tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8500356729468382040.post5884719419020244998..comments2023-03-31T03:23:40.380-05:00Comments on Adventures in Mommyhood: Mommy Outnumbered: Sisterhood of the Crying Mommies?Christyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01450553014545257969noreply@blogger.comBlogger11125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8500356729468382040.post-66393006746391981332011-12-31T07:16:04.303-06:002011-12-31T07:16:04.303-06:00I agree with you entirely. Anyone who says, "...I agree with you entirely. Anyone who says, "It is wrong to shame/overcharge/publicly criticize someone for their children, EXCEPT when the kids are [fill in whatever the kids are doing] and the parents don't [fill in what the parent is supposed to do]" is really saying, "Parents deserve to be shamed for their children's behavior, but because I'm nice, I only do it in certain circumstances." Or, "I am the judge of when people deserve to be shamed and when they don't."<br /><br />It's like saying, "Rape isn't the woman's fault, but if she's wearing [X, Y, or Z], then, well, what does she expect?" Either it's justified to mistreat people because of some actions they do, or it's not.<br /><br />Would it KILL people to just assume, when they see a kid melting down in any public place, that the parents are doing their best? Because that is almost ALWAYS the case, as you find out if you actually ask for the people's stories afterward. The moms in the story *were* trying hard and were unaware that some of the onlookers didn't think they were trying hard enough. And I think that's what you'd find if you actually asked any of these supposed "terrible parents" whose kids are screaming or misbehaving in public.Sheilahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10853868724554947854noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8500356729468382040.post-47175026414626837972011-06-16T11:01:59.708-05:002011-06-16T11:01:59.708-05:00The majority of women in this world who are over t...The majority of women in this world who are over the age of 25 are mothers or will become mothers. I think it's a little naive to assume that there would be "sisterhood" amongst ALL mothers and to also assume that all women with children feel the same way as you and your readers. While it is up to every individual what kind of parent they want to be, and those choices should be respected by friends and strangers alike, the same respect should be applied to the general public and their choice of dining, shopping, whatever, without children. I'm not saying that parents can (or should have to) guarantee perfect behavior, especially in infants and babies but a little consideration for those sharing your dinner experience is not too much to ask.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8500356729468382040.post-70728666707471859302011-06-15T14:43:42.561-05:002011-06-15T14:43:42.561-05:00oh Victoria, I am so glad you came back :) I was ...oh Victoria, I am so glad you came back :) I was not directing this blog at you and only you. I was writing it out of frustration at all of the comments that were left on the other blog. I didn't mean for you to think it was just you. Your comment just happened to be the main comment I was replying too when my reply morphed into this blog so I included it to help it flow and make more sense. <br /><br />Honestly, we are the type of people who take the child outside to try and calm them down and inevitably leave a restaurant if nothing else works. That was not my issue at all with what happened, my 2 main issues were that 1- they patrons were over charged and from the owner of the restaurants own words they were over charged due to the crying babies and 2- that the restaurant owner wrote a public note about it on FB. I just found it very unprofessional.<br /><br />Then the original blog went from there to vent my own frustration in general about being out in public anywhere and having strangers so rude things to me about my kids when they cry. This most often occurs at the grocery store because that's pretty much the only place I go with this many kids haha.<br /><br />I totally see where you are coming from and I hope you see where I am coming from. In general there were many comments left on the original blog from moms who claimed they "never" let their kids cry in public which is why I stated I was surprised at so many "perfect" mamas. I am not perfect, I am FAR from perfect and I don't expect other mamas to be perfect either. We are all mamas and we are all on the same journey so we might as well help each other along the way <3Christyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01450553014545257969noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8500356729468382040.post-23142544482684029132011-06-15T14:07:27.404-05:002011-06-15T14:07:27.404-05:00This is the V you were responding to. Let me first...This is the V you were responding to. Let me first start off by apologizing for making you feel like I was attacking you specifically. That was not my intention. My post was in response to a comment you had made in which you wrote "I am impressed by all these "perfect" parents who never "let their kids loose" in public". That rubbed me the wrong way because no one was claiming to be a perfect parent or that our kids are perfect. my son, though he is the light of my life, is not a perfect human being who will always say please and thank you and does not throw incredible, earth-shattering fits. what i should have really made more clear and had i taken the time to revise it and think before i "spoke" (i am also far, far from perfect), I should have differentiated between public places and the service industry's establishments. No one enjoys going to the DMV and no one goes there on a sunny afternoon for pleasure. I would never expect a parent to leave a line at the DMV because their baby is crying. that is a place we go to when we have to. I think this applies to the doctor and the dentist as well. I believe restaurants are different. People don't usually head to a restaurant because of necessity. For a lot of people, parents and non parents alike, heading to a restaurant for a meal is something special and you pay for good service, conversation, a nice atmosphere and great food that you don't have to cook! When i do get the chance to go out for a meal with my husband or friends, and a child has a meltdown, I don't blame the child (as if he or she scheduled a meltdown)or the parents. As a parent, i know that there is nothing you can do to prevent it and very little you can do to stop it once a child starts throwing a tantrum. But whenever that happens to us, i think of the other patrons who came to this restaurant, are paying good money for a nice experience and i feel inconsiderate ruining that for them. that's when i choose to get our food to go. essentially, my point is that i think extra consideration is very much appreciated in places where people pay to go for the experience and i would not want my baby's tantrum to ruin that for someone else when we have the option of leaving and eating at a park bench or at home instead.<br /><br />I also often exchange that look of understanding with other tired parents that i pass in the produce aisle when either little man is furious at me for keeping him in the cart or their child is screaming to high heaven. I don't expect either of us to scoop up our little ones and sprint out of store leaving everything behind. We still need groceries after all. In fact most of what i said about the grocery store was about "letting my kid loose in public". i did say that passing a screaming child briefly in an aisle is better than having one sprinting through the aisles. for someone with such little legs, kids can be supernaturally fast. like everyone reading this, i don't want my child darting away from me either and given the opportunity to go exploring when my back is turned, i'm sure he'd take it. <br />I do feel that bond when commiserating about teething, ear infections, sleepless nights..when i can see a woman at her wit's end with 3 screaming children. then it's not too much to offer to help her bring her groceries to her car. I did not mean to insinuate then any parent who does not muzzle their children and flee the second they make a peep is an inconsiderate jerk. However, I do think it is rude of some parents to adopt the attitude that because they can't help that their child is having a meltdown is reason enough to make other patrons in a restaurant or similar place try to talk over or ignore it.<br />I did actually read your blog before stumbling upon that post and i quite enjoyed it. I think you are an entertaining and touching writer, which is why i returned today. I'm sorry that you felt attacked.Victorianoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8500356729468382040.post-42425377314870855232011-06-15T13:59:50.491-05:002011-06-15T13:59:50.491-05:00Traveling is bad enough. Traveling with kids is wo...Traveling is bad enough. Traveling with kids is worse. Traveling with kids who are cranky and throwing fits is miserable for all involved. I wish that there were more people who were understanding of that rather than just getting pissed and giving dirty looks or outright yelling "shut that kid up." I plan ahead as best I can and I try to make sure that my kids have something to do, but an airport is full of strangers and my son seems to think that strangers=it is okay to misbehave, so I totally understand the kids crying in a restaurant, but at the same time if mine did it all the time I'd be going through the drive through a lot more.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17406746899447288673noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8500356729468382040.post-8764489759461353772011-06-15T02:25:34.833-05:002011-06-15T02:25:34.833-05:00Christy, I think people truly did miss the point o...Christy, I think people truly did miss the point of your other blog. I was more upset about the owner "outing" the two women and then saying they were charged extra, which they admitted they were. I found it immature of some of the mothers to go off on a tangent about your blog stating that people shouldn't have to put up with crying children. I agree with you that I always thought there was this Sisterhood of Mothers. Where we stood together and supported each other in times of stress (i.e. some days just leaving the house!). I have found that the more labels we use to describe ourselves, the less of a sisterhood we are and the more segregated we have become. I don't know if it has to do with the groups we try to fit into online or what. I miss that idealistic notion of the Sisterhood though. Great blogs!Mintee Mamahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16386068325886172022noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8500356729468382040.post-52779710927785127512011-06-14T20:40:14.905-05:002011-06-14T20:40:14.905-05:00Thanks for using my blog in your post! I think it&...Thanks for using my blog in your post! I think it's so sad that such an innocuous post would cause upheaval about parenting. Babies cry. PERIOD. If anything you'd think that other parents would have MORE sympathy, not less. I don't care who you are or how 'perfect' you THINK you are, your kid has made a ruckus in public. Whether you're willing to (wo)man up and admit it is another story.<br />If I tried to over charge every annoying patron that came into my bar (and trust me, it's a long list) not only would the bar have no customers but I would have no job and no income. Bottom line is you can't let YOUR comfort level or reaction to a situation affect how you act in a professional capacity. I am also sure that if the person in question's boss were to find out about the crying baby surcharge that they wouldn't be too pleased. <br />Another thing, I have worked in the service industry almost my entire life. An entree sharing fee is not to be implemented in a parent/child situation. It is to discourage all members of a table from all dining on one small item (i.e. an order of french fries) while occupying a table and dirtying dishes for an indefinite period of time or to prevent four people from eating two for one dinners and all eating for the price of one etc. It is NOT an annoyance tax and shouldn't be used as one. These things are what give restaurant workers a bad name and I'm appalled by it.FirstComesBabyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10002247523797608464noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8500356729468382040.post-44075034806857778782011-06-14T18:36:22.226-05:002011-06-14T18:36:22.226-05:00I thought those comments were ridiculous too. We a...I thought those comments were ridiculous too. We are all just parents, trying our best to be parents and live our lives.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03495796091157215318noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8500356729468382040.post-32020587739252869502011-06-14T18:13:33.605-05:002011-06-14T18:13:33.605-05:00I agree with you Christy and I think the fact that...I agree with you Christy and I think the fact that people are even fighting about this is ridiculous. Melissas comment is soooo 100% true!! We have to put up with SO MUCH bull crap from people in public. Crying kids is NOTHING compared to what I've had to out up with from people I'm public.Cassiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03194946867282256108noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8500356729468382040.post-61362837721927204612011-06-14T17:48:43.740-05:002011-06-14T17:48:43.740-05:00Let me just tell you that you are too nice. I comm...Let me just tell you that you are too nice. I commented on a post, but not your blog. If someone so much as gave me a dirty look when my child was having a melt down I'd stage a sit in. Or cry in. Whatever, other people have NO RIGHT TO TELL YOU HOW TO PARENT. If you want to try to eat a meal with a fussy baby then more power to you. And for everyone out there that says they'd get up and leave if their kid cried, I call bullshit! I have to smell body oder of people who don't bathe, perfume of those who over perfume, I endure drivers with road rage, people talking loudly on their cell phones, I smile when people talk to me and don't punch people when they try to touch my kids. I walk behind people who are smoking, I drive behind people who don't take care of the polutants their car is putting out, share a road with drunk drivers. I put up with other people's utter bullshit. YOU can keep your trap shut about my child and parenting choices, and you can deal with my crying baby. If you dare to say something to me about it...you have been warned! Have a nice day and keep up the good work Girl!Melissanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8500356729468382040.post-71391530396109474572011-06-14T17:34:21.314-05:002011-06-14T17:34:21.314-05:00Ugh, I HATE when people do that! The judgement is ...Ugh, I HATE when people do that! The judgement is too much for me sometimes. What's even worse, I think, is when people in public make comments under their breath or to your face about how in THEIR day, or if that was THEIR child, they'd _______. Nice, but really, 99% of the time the suggestion involves hitting or embarrassing myself or my child, or both, and that's really not up my alley. If it was, I probably would have already done it by then. Never mind the fact that I'm of the opinion that unless something the parent is doing is seriously endangering their child, the parent's reaction to the meltdown isn't my business. When I see a kid in a waiting room or the store or anywhere else start to go into meltdown mode, my heart sinks - I know what it's like! It's awful because you know that suddenly, all eyes are on you, and it's like a contest to see how fast you can make your child be quiet.<br />Kids have meltdowns. I am actually worried about all the parents who insist that their children are perfect angels 100% of the time - kids do that, it's how they work, and if a child doesn't have a meltdown once in a while I can't help but wonder if something's wrong - and parents who insist on leaving every social gathering or public place because a child is upset or throwing a fit is doing nothing more than shaming that child for being tired, hungry, thirsty, wet, overwhelmed, or whatever - and showing their child that THEY are ashamed of the poor kid. Seriously? I have two boys, one's four and the other will be two next month, and if one throws a fit I deal with it as I do, with quiet words and gentle comments, with deep breaths and reassuring diverting of attention - but I DO NOT do something that I think will make my child believe that I am ashamed of them or something they are doing.<br />I hate people like the one you commented back to. I hate people who expect so much out of young kids that they start pretending they aren't kids anymore and start expecting them to act like adults 100% of the time. Kids are kids - respecting them and treating them as equals is great, but pushing them to do more than they're able to emotionally is cruel.<br />Many hugs from a mom who feels the exact same way you do, from a mom who makes silly faces at and talks to those same upset kids and their poor moms. Because I know what it's like.<br />http://thosecrazycrunchies.blogspot.comCrunchy Mamahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17775409083132099200noreply@blogger.com