Adventures in Mommyhood: Mommy Outnumbered

I am Crunchy, but......

2012-02-26T00:00:00.000-06:00

Welcome to the "I'm a Natural Parent - BUT..." Carnival
This post was written for inclusion in the carnival hosted by The Artful Mama and Natural Parents Network. During this carnival our participants have focused on the many different forms and shapes Natural Parenting can take in our community.
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image credit: Hybrid Rasta Mama- used with her permission
Pretty sure I confessed to all of these, but if not YEP I do them ALL.

I think of myself as a "Crispy" Mama. Depending upon which friend of mine you ask, my crispness varies. To my more mainstream friends I am the crunchiest person they know and they are just waiting for me to announce that we are going "off grid". To many of my hardcore crunchy mamas I am barely toasty.

It seems, in the world of crunchy parenting, it can quickly morphed into this "how crunchy are you" competition. Most mamas get thrown into this world by making 1 or 2 crunchy choices and all of a sudden, to their mainstream friends, they are "that mom". You know, the crunchy free spirited mom flashing peace signs and wearing tie dye. For me those choices were co-sleeping and breastfeeding past 12 months. But, once inside this world I quickly realized to most I was just a mildly toasty mama.

Over time my parenting has grown, morphed and shifted. I have adopted a lot of the crunchy parenting ideals but I am far from the perfect picture of crunchiness. That's why this carnival appealed to me so much. I am not shy about confessing my noncrunchy ways, I confess them all the time in passing on this blog while joking that my crunchy street cred just got flushed down the toilet along with my REAL toilet paper. I am excited to see what my fellow crunchy mama's confess though.

Often I think we are all guilty of putting mommy bloggers on a pedestal. We tend to envision life in the home as tranquil scenes of picturesque cosleeping, where everyone is dressed in white and sleeps through the night. Their cloth diapers never have stains, their babies never cry, tempertantrums are an unheard of word (obviously, since they practice every aspect of peaceful parenting perfectly and never loose their cool) and the recycling is always neatly sorted and never overflowing. Ah, I can't wait to have these images shattered, can you? Finally, we are all just real people letting it all hang out.

From today on we can all just be MOMS. No more of all those labels following the title, just moms. I consider myself a mom, I don't need to list all of my achievements behind that. I might add a little "loving" before it, I am a "loving mom". No offense to those who enjoy listing your achievements, I can understand feeling the need to do so. Especially when you blog, you want to give new readers a sense of who you are. I have to confess though I often feel like I am trapped in this weird competition where it's no longer good enough to just be a mom or even a "loving mom", instead we have to list all the awesome things we do to prove just how wonderful we are.
No more of the:
"I am Christy, a loving stay home, cosleeping, cloth diapering, extended breastfeeding, baby-lead weaning, baby-lead solids, extended rear facing, home birthing, recycling, mama cloth wearing, unpaper toweling, homeopathic using, non vaccing, home schooling, organic eating, vegan/vegetarian, baby wearing, intactivist, peaceful/attachment parenting, placenta eating, Instinctual mama" <--obviously I do not do ALL of these, I was just trying to list every possible title I could think of to show how overwhelming it can become. I also do not judge/look down on any of these!

I used to be guilty of doing this, then one day it dawned on me that many may see it as a "I am better than you and here's why" list so I stopped.

So from today on I am Christy, a loving mom. That's it!

On to my confessions....

I am crunchy but.....

... We are big milk drinkers in our home, we go through milk like it's water. REAL milk, from a COW! GASP!! I can feel the hard core crunchies trying to not loose their lunch right now at the mere thought of real dairy. Yeah, we like that white stuff from a cow, we go through a gallon every 2 days.
I tried being a good crunchy and buying Organic, it lasted all of a month. A reg gallon of milk costs an average of $4.19, we need one about every 2 days. Organic milk runs (depending upon the brand AND store) $3.89-5.89 for half a gallon. So doubled the amount we were spending and on a budget as tight as ours, we just can't afford that.
Out of curiosity I tried many milk alternatives. I didn't do this to replace milk in our diets, even if I wanted to the Hubs would never go for it. I did it just to try them, I am really into trying new food. The ONLY one I like is Vanilla Almond Milk. Coconut milk is "ok", Vanilla Soy Milk tastes fine drinking it but leaves a bitter after taste. Regular Soy, Chocolate Soy, Chocolate Almond, Rice and Hemp all made me want to gag and throw up. Especially the Rice and Hemp, by far the worst of what I tried. If you love any of these milks please do not be offended, we all have different taste buds, they just were not for me. I also happen to despise onions, doesn't mean I dislike those who enjoy them. My kids wouldn't even drink the Rice or Hemp, it went down our drain.

... I just can't do family cloth. I use my hubby as the perfect excuse because he would never go for it, not in a million years but in all honesty I never could do it either. Again, no offense to those who do it I am envious of you for being able to. We use reusable everything else when it comes to paper goods. Cloth diapers, cloth napkins, cloth towels for cleaning and even mama cloth for me (there I go making a list!) but there will always be real, disposable toilet paper in this house.

... We eat fast food. Its not "frequent" but that's really all perspective isn't it. We do not do it frequently in our eyes, others may see it differently. We do some sort of fast food, usually McDonalds or Pizza Hut, once every 4 weeks on average. We almost always do the Pizza Hut night for Teddy's school (missed the last 2 months because we couldn't afford to eat out that night) and we do Happy Meals about every 4 weeks on a night that they are only $1.99.
If I am being 100% honest we would probably eat out more often if finances allowed for it. I know it's bad for you but I also get very lazy in the kitchen, I only learned to cook when I absolutely HAD to because we could no longer afford to eat out all the time.

eating a hot dog and drinking Capri Sun at a school activity-I do
not buy these things for our home (in all honesty I do occasionally
buy the 100% juice Capri Sun and Kosher hot dogs but not often)
but I do not tell my kids they can't have them on fun/special
occasions such as this either.

... I also buy prepackaged foods. In the interest of being honest, I have to confess I still buy many canned/packaged foods. I am totally freaked out about the ideas of GMO's and fully support transparency and labeling of these products so I can at least TRY better to avoid them. For now though, we can't afford to buy Organic all the time. I buy what I can when I can. I try to be smart and read the labels. Sometimes I just have to close my eyes and pretend like I never heard of GMO's though. There are some things I just can't make myself, such as spaghetti sauce, that I just blindly buy and 'hope" it's a good non GMO product (although I am sure it's probably not).
I cook from scratch a lot, although once again it's mostly out of necessity as we can't afford all the prepackaged convenience stuff. Sure, I could probably make my own spaghetti sauce but I already have so much on my plate I just don't want to. Does that make me lazy, call it what you will, I figure at least I am aware and I TRY. Trying is better than not right? I sure hope so. I see it as the same as fast food, all in moderation. Until we reach a point where they either stop using GMO's (NEVER gonna happen sadly considering it's in 90% of our food supply now) or require clear labeling the best I can do is what I am doing now.
I do plan on utilizing farmers markets a lot more this year, I couldn't before because our van is such a POS I can't drive far. We will be getting a new one soon though (gotta love tax returns!) and I will be able to drive longer distances without the fear of breaking down and being stranded with 3-4 kids.

... Rounding out the subject of food. I am a total Soda-a-holic. I often find myself feeling "superior" to many of my fellow Soda-a-holics in the fact that I "at least" choose soda made with real sugar (as opposed to HFCS or artificial sweeteners) BUT, seriously, does it make that much of a difference? Especially when I often drink 2-3 a day. At least when I was drinking the full on HFCS laden Dr. Pepper I only allowed myself 1 everyday/every other day. I am sure there are plenty of other things in soda that are awful for me. Shhhhhhh, don't tell me, I do not want to know.

... I am an epic fail as a peaceful parent. I keep plugging away at it but it's just not working. I yell, sometimes I yell far too much. I leave my kids alone in their rooms to throw their tantrums. I will ground my kids, and have grounded my oldest already from things on an age appropriate level- not allowing him to play video games for a day because he got in trouble at school, that sort of thing.

... We watch TV. A LOT of TV. WAY TOO MUCH TV. I grew up with the TV always on and sadly I am passing that on to my kids. Something I swore I would never do yet here I am doing it. I HAVE to have the TV on, even when no one is watching it. If it's not on I get anxious, it's the craziest addiction I have ever heard of. I have tried a radio but it's not the same, it doesn't work for me.

because sometimes this is the only way mama can get anything
done! I DO NOT let them stand this close, this was a day
they were fighting over who was in who's way. I kept telling them
to back up.

... I had an epidural, actually I had 3! I am a big baby when it comes to pain and the idea of giving birth at home both fascinates and terrifies me at the same time. I am too much of a big baby to ever do it. I admire, respect and envy those moms who can. I wish I had their strength but I know myself and I know my body. I FIGHT the contractions, I just want them to stop. I don't progress. I get the epidural and I go from a 2-3 to a 10 in a flash! Seriously from a 2 to a 10 in less than 2 hours with Kimmy. I need something that allows me to relax so my body can do what it needs to do.

... I vaccinate my kids. I do it on a delayed schedule and don't start until 12 months. At 12 months we only do 1 shot at a time, allowing a few months to pass in between each shot. By 1 shot I mean 1 round of the typical shot they would give at baby's monthly check ups. I have yet to find anyone who will do say JUST measles or JUST whooping cough.
I also do "selective" but the only ones I avoid are the rotovirius, chicken pox and seasonal flu. I just recently discovered that chicken pox was added into 1 of the group shots so I can't even avoid that anymore. I imagine they added it in because a lot of parents were skipping it.
This is what works for MY family. I chose the best option for my kids and do not judge parents on either end of this debate. You want to vax your kids on the CDC schedule, more power to you. You want to skip every single one, more power to you. This is what I choose for my kids, so more power to me right.

... I was NOT offended, upset, or outraged by the recent viral video of a dad trying to teach his daughter a lesson. In fact, I secretly (not so secret anymore) rooted for the dad. Click here if you have not seen it.
Do I think he was right in everything he did, NO. Personally, as someone who is far too poor to ever even own anything that nice I would NEVER have just shot up a laptop. I would have sold it for $$ or in the least donated it to someone in need if I no longer wanted my child to have it. I also do not agree with some of the language he used, such as calling his daughter a "lazy ass', that was totally uncalled for. I can see his side though and the anger, frustration and hurt I would have felt upon discovering my child had posted something like that about me on FB for all her friends to see.
My approach would have been different, I would not have made a video or as I already stated shot the laptop. I would have assigned even MORE chores to my child around the house, so that way they could see how hard it really is to keep a house clean. Then I would have signed them up to volunteer at some animal/homeless shelters and grounded them from all technology for a long time so that they could learn to appreciate the things they have. That's just me though and I have already confessed I am not the ideal perfect peaceful parent.
I stood behind him from the very first time I saw the video, again not agreeing with it all but the general idea and sentiment behind it of spoiled kids not appreciating what they have, but I like him even more after reading his official response (you can see it here)

... I will ground my kids when they are older and do currently take away things as consequences to their actions. I see this much different than just a punishment which are typically meant to only shame/harm an individual and have no real learning value to them. That's my personal view on it, many see it as another form of punishment. Don't want to pick up your toys, you don't get to play with them for awhile. I feel this teaches responsibility, again that's MY view. This goes along with the one above.

... I tell my kids things like "Good Job", "You're Pretty/Handsome" and "I Love You" and never worry I will somehow "screw them up for life" by doing so <-- Yes I recently read (and now I can't find to link of course) a post about how you should tell your kids you LIKE them and not Love them because saying "I love you" is seen as a obligation (or something to that effect) and saying "I like you" is more effective.

... I LOVE Disney movies, Superhero's, Disney Princesses, Cartoon Characters, the color pink and pretty much every other commerical aspect I am "supposed" to shun as a good little crunchy <- said with sarcasm, please no one freak out. Obviously there are not REAL rules on what you can/cannot like as a crunchy mama but often there seems to be a majority view on these things that they are "bad".

Disney Princesses are a-ok in our home

... Speaking of which we also love Santa in our home. We do not see it as a "lie" but instead a gift of magic and later on in life a gift of truly understanding giving. I was so going to write one of those "Why we Believe in Santa" blogs this past Christmas complete with a letter to my kids to someday read them on WHY we did Santa and what I hoped they get out of it. I planned to include the true story of St. Nicholas and the idea of giving and not receiving, all that good stuff. Then another blogger posted almost exactly what I planned to write and I scrapped it because I didn't want to look like a copy cat.

...I shop at, DUN DUN DUN, Walmart. Yep, I admit it. I live in the sticks and it's Walmart or an over priced grocery store where things are often double the price (and I can't tell you how many times I have bought items from them that have been spoiled/bad/past expiration date by WEEKS!) and on a very tight budget every penny counts.

... I send my kids to public school. Well, I send my kid I should say, I only have 1 old enough to go to school. This is 1 area I actually planned to do the opposite in BUT that was before I ended up with 4 so close in age, 1 with SPD. I just do not have the time I would need to devote to Teddy and it would be unfair to him at this point.

... I do not boycott Nestle. I do not actively seek their products out either but I never think to actually boycott them. Bad crunchy!!! Bad crunchy!!!

... I know there is more I planned to include but they are lost to me now so this list will have to do.

Hmmmmm, perhaps it would have been simpler for me to list the crunchy things I DO. Then again, that would have been me making a "lookie at all the cool things I do" list and the complete opposite of this carnival so perhaps not.

Love,
this only ever so slightly toasty mama,
Christy

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This carnival was created by The Artful Mama and Natural Parents Network. We recognize that "natural parenting" means different things to different families, and we are dedicated to providing a safe place for all families, regardless of where they are in their parenting journeys.
Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants:
(This list will be live and updated by afternoon February 26 with all the carnival links.)

My kid is a technophile — Jenn at Monkey Butt Junction hasn't turned in her natural parenting card yet, even though her son prefers electronic toys
I'm a Natural Parent, but...I use medicine! — Adrienne at Mommying My Way admits that while she hesitates to do so, sometimes she does give her son some medicine when his symptoms get really bad.
I'm Only Half Planning a Natural Birth — Shannon at The Artful Mama discloses how she is planning her semi-natural hospital birth and still dares to call herself a Natural Parent.
Why we aren't rear facing — Shannon at Pineapples & Artichokes talks about her decision to turn her one-year-old daughter's carseat around, and how the argument always given for extended rear facing makes her feel.
Musings of an Almost Crunchy Momma — Valerie at Momma in Progress re-examines her list of natural parenting litmus tests.
Natural Parenting Does Not Equal Perfect Parenting — Jennifer at Hybrid Rasta Mama admits to several not-so-natural parenting and lifestyle practices.
10 Reasons to Revoke My Natural Parent Card — Laura at WaldenMommy: Life Behind the Red Front Door discusses why some of her less-than-crunchy practices are better for her family.
I'm a Natural Parent - BUT... MacNCheese is Awesome. — Jennifer at True Confessions of a Real Mommy reveals her penchant for some far from healthy eating, cheap food recipes.
Crunchy on the Inside — Wolfmother at Fabulous Mama Chronicles muses about how the stereotype of a natural parent does not do justice to the very dynamic group that this parenting philosophy attracts.
My Reality — Megan from The Other Baby Book confesses a few things about her parenting.
I'm Crunchy But... — Christy at Mommy Outnumbered shares confessions on all of her "non" crunchy ways.
I'm A Natural Parent, But...it took me awhile — It took Kerry at City Kids Homeschooling awhile before fully understanding and appreciating Natural Parenting.
I Am Not a Perfect Natural Parent — Momma Jorje shares her dirty little secrets as a mostly natural parent.
Crunchy, But Not Crunchier Than Thou — Instead of comparing yourself to others, Dionna at Code Name: Mama encourages you to give yourself permission to be as crunchy as you can for right now.
I’m a natural parent but…I love bedtimes — Terri at Child of the Nature Isle would never let her children cry-it-out, but she has a selection of other methods to encourage early bedtimes.
I'm a Natural Parent - BUT... — Lani at Boobie Time Blog believes that following the principles of Natural Parenting doesn't mean you fit a stereotypical mold of societal view.
Confessions of a Low Supply Mom — Mandy at Living Peacefully with Children confesses her insecurities about being a low supply mom.
I'm a natural parent, but. . . — Not eating her placenta is just one of the ways Ashley at Mama Raw falls short at being a natural parent.
I'm a Natural Parent But...I have a Few Confessions — Kat at Loving {Almost} Every Moment strives to be a Natural Mama, but wait, she has a few confessions!
I'm a Natural Parent BUT — Carrie at LoveNotesMama confesses her gratitude for disposable diapers.
Intestinal Dissection — Melissa from White Noise talks about how imperfection can be beautiful when it is buffered with love.
How much sugar is too much? — Tat at Mum in Search shares how her no-sugar policy evolved into a balancing act, with the balance point not where she'd like to see it.
I'm a Natural Parent, but. . . — Amyables at Toddler In Tow talks about three of her parenting habits that are not super "natural."
Minus Ten Crunchy Points — Joella at Fine and Fair discusses how some of her parenting choices seen as "too crunchy" by those she knows in real life could get her kicked out of the crunchy mom clubs online.
The Natural Parent "Model" — Kym at Our Crazy Corner of the World talks about her love for not-so-natural cosmetics and beauty products.
Nice to meet you. — Eileen at Love & Greens talks about how being a natural mama means something different to her every day.
I’m a natural parent…BUT… — Ashley at Daisy Pedals touches on several natural parenting topics; from cloth diapers to cleaning with natural cleaners.
I'm a natural parent, but you'd be surprised — Lauren at Hobo Mama confesses to liking diet soda and TV and having lost all her reusable shopping bags.
I’m a Natural Parent, but…. I don’t shop local — Luschka at Diary of a First Child confesses one of her greatest 'natural' failures - she doesn't shop local and support her community, despite wishing she could.
Who You Callin' Natural? (a Carnival of Natural Parenting Contribution) — A bit of premise exposition, some tongue-in-cheek filler, and a photographic list of all the ways Embrita Blogging cheats at being natural.
Dirty Secrets of a Green & Natural Mama (and Why I'm Not Afraid to Share Them!) — Charise at I Thought I Knew Mama shares her definition of what it means to be a perfect mama as well as a few of her dirty little secrets.
Green Mommy Guilt — Jen at Jen and Joey Green talks about how being a perfect Green Mom is overrated.
Life Coping Devices — Amy at Anktangle discusses two ("non-AP") coping strategies her family has used for getting through difficult times with her son: the pacifier and the stroller.
We use disposable diapers. There. I said it. — The mama at Our Muddy Boots shares a bed, nurses her 4 year old, is vegetarian, and is committed to homeschooling; but Pampers adorn her child's bottom. Ugh!
Committed to Cloth, but... — Sheila at A Living Family affirms her love of cloth diapering, despite the draw of disposables.
Natural Parenting as a Doorway to Deep Truths — Amy from Peace for Parents guest posts at Natural Parents Network and shares how for her "natural parenting" is much less about a definition and much more an avenue to explore truths of life.
Chicken No-nos — Jessica at Pace Family Place strives to live naturally but feeds her oldest son some not-so natural things

Me vs The Evil Clog-Because my life is not complete w/o a random dishes blog every now and again

2012-02-22T10:44:00.000-06:00

If you follow me on FB you probably saw me whining this morning about my sink in the kitchen being clogged and how I was going to have to do the dishes in the shower. And I thought having to do dishes by hand was bad enough!

This clog came out of no where, no warning, no slow draining, nada. Everything was fine and POOF overnight it was like this. I discovered it when I went to do the dishes and noticed the water was not draning. I plunged it for a good 30 minutes thinking I was accomplishing something because I would see air bubbles and the side I was plunging would appear to "drain". Finally I noticed the other side was getting fuller while I was plunging and realized I was just pushing water from 1 side to the other an back again.

The EvilClog-at least it had no bad smell to it!!

Good News: I got the clog out of my kitchen sink!!

Bad News: I got it out AFTER I had washed about 90% of the dishes in the shower!!

When I posted the same whine on my personal FB page a friend linked a few DIY/Natural ways to unclog a drain including this idea.

I was not sure if it would work or not since the sink had standing water in both sides but decided it was worth a shot.
Since I have no borax I opted for the 2 cups HOT vinegar and 1 cup baking soda method and because of the standing water I did it on each side. I let it sit for a few minutes and plunged like crazy but it didn't do anything.

Resigned to the fact that I was doing the dishes in the shower I loaded them up and packed them off to the bathroom. I had 1 tub to wash and 1 to stack dishes in. Once the second tub was full of clean dishes I rinsed them (because I do not like to waste water by letting it run the whole time) and then used the tub to carrying them back to the kitchen to dry.

NOT a fun or easy task. On my second trip into the kitchen with clean dishes I remembered another DIY unclogging tip was to pour a cup of dish soap in and let it sit for a bit, only I didn't even have 1 cup left in our bottle and didn't want to use it all up not to have it work.

Then I remembered I still have over 3/4 of a bottle of Palmolive Eco+ Dishwasher Detergent left from when we moved (almost 2 years ago). I kept it because I told myself when we moved we would have a dishwasher in 6 month at the latest. I am HI-LARIOUS sometimes! Here we sit almost 2 years later with no dishwasher. Just a few weeks ago I looked at that bottle and thought to myself I might as well throw it away as it was likely no longer any good (not sure how long stuff like that stays good but I doubt more than 2 years). So I decided to use that, what could it hurt right.

I poured half in 1 side and half in the other. Let it sit until I was done with the dishes (I skipped out on a few big pans and other "nonessential" dishes), gave it a few good plunges and heard the SLURP sound as the clog dislodged and drained right on through.

I feel strangely satisfied and accomplished that I did it myself, with no harsh chemicals.
Not really sure if it was the vinegar/baking soda, Palmolive Eco+or a combo of the 2 that did it. Wish I knew for 100% sure so I could recommend it to anyone also experiencing a stubborn clog.

Take that clog!!! I win, you loose!

Love,
this clog busting mama,
Christy

P.S. I get to get a dishwasher when we get our tax return! Come on tax return!! Then, in theory at least, you will only have to suffer through 1 more dishes blog from me as I rant and rave about how nice it is to have a dishwasher again.

What should we teach our kids?

2012-02-20T09:39:00.000-06:00

I have seen a lot of stuff bouncing around the interwebs lately on what you should and should not say to your kids, teach your kids, etc. Especially when it comes to boys and girls. A lot of pshyco babble on the proper ways to raise boys and girls and the impacts of the things you say to them. The main theme, lately, seems to be this imagined magical power toys hold over our kids.

Perhaps I am biased since we have both boys and girls in our home so they are exposed to a wider range of toys but I really do not feel like toys have any sort of hold over our kids. They are just toys, kids enjoy playing with toys. I think the messages we send to them along with those toys are the problem. We are the ones who have a bias towards a certain type of toy or brand and our kids can easily pick up on that.

in our home Disney Princesses are not the enemy

Take Disney Princesses as an example. In some circles you cannot admit to allowing your daughter to play with them without being crucified and told your daughter is going to grow up to be a stripper. Ok, so they probably (we hope) won't tell you (to your face) that your daughter will grow up to be a stripper BUT they will tell you that she will grow up to rely only on her looks and value herself only on her ability to get a man. REALLY? I played with Disney Princesses as a girl and I am like the ANTI-"value myself through my looks" person. I never wear makeup, constantly sport the "mommytail" while staying in my PJs all day long.

No, I don't think Disney Princesses will be the downfall of my girls, just like I do not think "allowing" our son to play with toy swords and pretend battle will be the downfall of him. I don't give that much power to toys because that lets me off the hook. NO, I am responsible for teaching and modeling good behavior for my kids.

in our home girls can be Superheros and Princesses
all at the same time.

Do you know, my girls have no idea what makeup is. The only thing they really understand is nail polish from the few times I have painted their toe nails (and I painted Teddy's at the same time). Karma once got a hold of a tub of lipstick and smeared it all over her toes. I couldn't help but chuckle when I found her doing it. The girl had no idea what lipstick was because she never see's mommy, or anyone else, put it on.

The most striking example I have seen, to date, of this is while at a friends house playing. The little girl had all kinds of pretend make up and hair stuff complete with a pretend vanity. My girls were uninterested in the toys at all, except when Kimmy picked up a pretend straightener and used it as a toy gun (hey, who "knew" girls did that too, my girls will also turn anything into a gun just like Teddy!). Karma quickly found the toy hair dryer and did the same. I watched my 2 girls run around making shooting noises at each other with these toy hair accessories while the other girl sat in front of the vanity pretending to put on make up.

So, as you can see, my girls play with Disney Princesses but place no value on their looks. They have no interest in pretend make up and think pretend hair toys are guns. In our house I send no messages that the princesses are somehow evil, shallow, weak or anything like that. If they show interest in playing with them, I say go for it. I must admit we also do not own most of the movies. The only real Disney Princess movie we own is Tangled. Yet, my girls could identify and NAME Cinderella somehow even though they had never seen the movie and I had never told them anything about here. Eeerie I tell you!

Instead of focusing so much on our kids being sent the wrong messages from toys or society I think we should focus on sending them the right ones. Again, this may be easier for households that have both boys and girls but I would like to think that no matter what we would have given our kids a wide variety of toys. Even when it was just Teddy he had pretend food, a play kitchen, and plenty of cute pretend fuzzy animals to play with ( I never realized any of these were "girlie" toys according to society). When we found out we were pregnant we bought a baby doll for him so he could get used to the idea of a baby.

in our home giving is not just talked about
but modeled.

I focus more on modeling for my kids instead of telling them how they should (or should not) act. Just last week, for example, we were at Walmart (GASP, yes Walmart!). It was one of the coldest days we have had all winter and there was an older man sitting inside, clearly a homeless man trying to stay warm. Teddy noticed him first and asked me what was wrong with him, he looked "sad" Teddy said. I explained to Teddy that some people have no home or food or anything really. A concept he seemed to not fully grasp as he kept asking "but where does he sleep" and "what does he do when he's hungry". It was a very hard conversation to have. Teddy seemed most concerned about the idea of the man going hungry. In our local Walmart there is a Subway so I suggested we buy the man a sandwich.

I wish I could say Teddy was all about giving when it came to this but he is 5. As we waited in line he seemed more concerned with could he have a bag of chips than he was about getting the man a sandwich. Sandwich and chips purchased we went back to the front of the store. Even though Teddy had been a tad selfish I had him hand the sandwich to the man. The mans eyes teared up and he told Teddy a very soft, almost inaudible "thank you" and which point Teddy got all shy and ran back to me. As we walked away, Teddy munching on his chips, he looked up at me and said "now he has something to eat right!". He seemed very happy at the thought that the man was no longer hungry. So, he was selfish but in the end he still got it.

Actually modeling things like unconditional love and empathy (the 2 most important things I think anyone could ever teach their kids) for others goes much farther than sitting there and having a conversation about it. Sure, we could have talked all the way through Walmart about how sad the man was, how awful it would be to be homeless and how we should help people in need BUT the simple act of buying a $5 foot long sent a much stronger message than any words ever could.

my pesky finger got in the way (it was uber bright and I could
not see the screen) but this is the kids giving several bags of
food to our local food bank.

So what does the homeless man have to do with toys? I used it as an example only to prove that our kids look to us to truly learn. They watch us and they model the things we do. In the end the type/brand of toys they play with has no magical hold over them. No, in the end it comes down to us. So if we live our lives being kind and empathetic towards others they will more than likely (I sure hope!) grow up to do the same. If we live our lives as vain and selfish people only worried about "me, me, ME!" and aquiring more STUFF all the time, our kids more than likely will grow up with the same tendencies.

Anytime we do any sort of giving in our home I try to involve the kids. Whether its picking out and choosing food to donate, going through their toys/clothes, helping me find old (but still nice) coats, placing money in kettles, etc. I allow them to be a part of it so they feel as if they are giving too. They actually enjoy going through their toys and finding things to give to kids who may not have any toys.

There are plenty of other factors for sure, society does start to play a role as do future friends once school starts BUT if we instill these values in them when they are still very young and continue to reinforce it as they grow hopefully we can help them build a suit of armor that society can ding but never penetrate.

I give no power to toys. They are inanimate objects. By giving them power I give myself the excuse later on to say my kids did "X, Y and Z" because of those pesky-insert the most "offending" toy you can think of here-. I hold myself responsible for the people my kids will ultimately become. Because, in the end, Ted and I are the greatest influence they will ever have.

Love,
Christy

American Adoptions News: Want to Extend the Adoption Tax Credit Beyond 2012? Sign This Petition

2012-02-18T09:28:00.003-06:00

"There are nearly 500,000 children in foster care in the United States.
Over 250,000 will never return home.
Over 123,000 need adoptive homes right now.
More than 29,000 aged out of foster care in 2008, at age 18 without anyone, to live on their own, unprepared and unsupported.

Can you change the life of a waiting child?
Can you adopt? Can you foster? Or maybe you can start a Heart Gallery or volunteer for one?"

-Heart Gallery of America

Consider adopting a waiting foster child, your life will be beyond blessed!

image credit : A Family For Every Child

Now that I have that off my chest, have you heard of the Adoption Tax Credit? If not, you are not alone. Even though our adoption was finalized in Feb of 2010 we did not hear about it until Oct 2011 when a friend let us know. No one, at any point in our adoption process, told us about it, EVER.

So if you adopted a child and the adoption was finalized before 2012 I encourage you to look into it to see if you qualify.
Check out NACAC (North American Council on Adoptable Children) to see the details and if you qualify:
"Since 2003, families who adopted a child with special needs from foster care could claim a federal adoption tax credit even if they had no adoption expenses. Children who receive adoption assistance/subsidy are considered children with special needs. Other adoptive families are also eligible for the credit, but must have (and be able to document, if requested by the IRS) qualified adoption expenses."
-NACAC

I have not talked about the credit to many people because, well, it just seemed too good to even be true. It's real though, we just mailed our taxes in this week and it's on there as part of our return (which is why you will hear me excitedly talking about our tax returns a lot in the next few months, especially on FB).

Since it is so large and they need proof, you have to mail your return in along with proof of the adoption and of the child's "special needs" status if you adopted from the Foster Care System. Because of this it can take 6-14 weeks to process and get the return. Fingers crossed we get ours soon, I am hoping by May, are van has gone CAPUT and that's how we will be getting a new (new to us anyways) van.

So, why am I writing this you may be asking. It's not just so I can say "oh woo-hoo lookie lookie", as I said, I didn't talk about it for a long time because I didn't want to "jinx" it and even now I am uneasy talking about it, our returns have not been accepted by the IRS yet. Until the money is in our bank a little part of me is going to always say "there is just no way, NO WAY!".

No, I am writing this for 2 reasons. The first being that I do not want anyone who has adopted recently to miss out on this. We were not the only ones who didn't know. The friend who told me about it told me about it at a mutual friends house and the mutual friend had a brother who adopted 3 kids in 2010 and knew nothing about it either.

The second, and more important reason I am writing is because 2012 is set to be the last year for this credit and then its gone. In 2012 the credit will be $12,650 and after that it will be $0.

American Adoptions News wrote a great article, which, since it was sent in an email, I will quote here. In the article they mention a petition on Change.org that you can go to and sign to help encourage congress to pass a Permanent Adoption Tax Credit.

Now, money should never be a reason for people to adopt (obviously $13k is NOT going to pay for total expenses to raise a child so that would be a very HORRIBLE reason to adopt) BUT it should also never keep people FROM adopting. Adopting from the Foster Care System is free to waiting parents, sadly I know it is not for everyone (although I encourage everyone to open their hearts and minds and consider it, you can view some of the children legally free to adopt and waiting for their forever homes here if you have ever considered adoption, please take a look.). Private adoption, both domestic and international, can be quite expensive though and the credit does not even cover the total costs, or even half of the costs. Every little bit helps and with so many kids out there waiting for Forever Homes why would they want to take away anything that makes it easier and attainable for families to make adoption happen.

Ted and I have already discussed it and know we would like to adopt again, in the future, when we can. Ideally we want to adopt a waiting foster child, a boy near Teddy's age. We want him to have a brother close in age, the poor boy needs it surrounded by all these girls. We want him to have what the girls have. We know we are not in a position to do this NOW, but hope to be in a few years. When we do, it would be nice to know such a permanent credit existed to help us cover costs of things like finishing the attic and creating more bedrooms. Right now our home is a 3 bedroom 1 story home but we have a massive full size attic upstairs (with regular stairs leading to it even). When people come to our house they just assume there are finished rooms up there. There is enough room we could easily put 2, maybe 3 bedrooms and a bathroom up there. $13,000 (or whatever the permanent credit ends up being) could cover a large portion of that, especially since Ted is experienced with carpentry/home building and could do much of it on his own.

So, please read below and consider going and signing the petition on change.org. Even if you never plan to adopt yourself, you are helping hundreds of thousands of waiting families and more important, waiting children.

American Adoptions News: Want to Extend the Adoption Tax Credit Beyond 2012? Sign This Petition:

As you may know, the Adoption Tax Credit is set to expire. The average adoption in America costs between $25,000-$35,000. For the 2011 Tax Year adopting families are eligible for a maximum of $13,170 for 2011 returns. The return is fully refundable as long as the adoption was initiated in 2011 or before and finalized before the end of 2012 (domestic) or was finalized in 2011 (international).

But in 2012, the Tax Credit will change to offer a maximum of $12,170 for 2012 returns only. The 2012 Adoption Tax Credit will not be refundable for adoptions initiated after 2011, which means that many families may not get any of their adoption costs back and may possibly be prevented from adopting a child at all.

As of 2013, the Adoption Tax Credit goes away all together. At change.org, you can sign a petition to extend the tax credit as currently stated in the Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act. Ultimately, extending the Adoption Tax Credit means that more children can be adopted, and can be adopted into financially stable homes.

Currently, a bill has been proposed to create a permanent Adoption Tax Credit. You can track and read the bill here. Most, recently it was referred to the Senate Committee on Finance. There are also several key politicians to consider writing to.

The following Congressmen are sponsors of this bill. If you reside in one of these states, consider sending them a letter or other communication of support: Richard Burr [R-NC], Robert Casey [D-PA], Thad Cochran [R-MS], Kirsten Gillibrand [D-NY], Kay Hutchison [R-TX], Mike Johanns [R-NE], Tim Johnson [D-SD], Amy Klobuchar [D-MN], Pat Roberts [R-KS] and John Thume [R-SD].

You may also consider sending communication of support to the members of the Senate Committee on Finance: Max Baucus [D-MT], Orrin Hatch [R-UT], Jeff Bingaman [D-NM], Richard Burr [R-NC], Maria Cantwell [D-WA], Benjamin Cardin [D-MD], Thomas Carper [D-DE], Thomas Coburn [R-OK], Kent Conrad [D-ND], John Cornyn [R-TX], Michael Crapo [R-ID], Michael Enzi [R-WY], Charles Grassley [R-IA], John Kerry [D-MA], Jon Kyl [R-AZ], Robert Menendez [D-NJ], Bill Nelson [D-FL], Pat Roberts [R-KS], John Rockefeller [D-WV], Charles Schumer [D-NY], Olympia Snowe [R-ME], Debbie Ann Stabenow [D-MI], John Thume [R-SD] and Ron Wyden [D-OR].

-American Adoptions

By signing, you help to make Forever Families possible!

Love,

Christy

P.S. I honestly had no intention of telling many people about the fact that we were getting this credit, mostly because I do not like airing our finances like that AND because people get weird about money. I never want it to look like we adopted Karma for money, as I stated we had no clue this credit existed. We already had plans to hopefully adopt again before we found out about the credit too. I do not share this information to "brag", I share it in the hopes to keep the credit around for future adoptive families.

16 Fun New Facts About My Kids

2012-02-16T10:40:00.001-06:00

Huge thanks to Crazy Dumbsaint of the Mind for inspiring me to blog. As we all know, I have not been too inspired lately. This idea was just too cute not to rip off, errrrr I mean passionately recreate with only humble admiration in mind.
It's ok, she admits she got the idea from The Feminist Breeder. Sooooo, does that mean I am copying The Feminist Breeder too? Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery right?
They both only did 15 facts, I am doing 16 since I have 4 kids and that's 4 facts per kid (lookie there, I just did some math and stuff, all in my head too, go me!)

So, here we go, 16 totally random but fun facts about the new things my kiddos are doing these days:

1. Sariah is learning letters. After 3 total anti-letter kids I am excited to have 1 so into them. She knows more letters than Kimmy and Karma combined (who each only really seem to recognize O, S and P). I could sit here and toot my own horn about how awesome of a mom I am but I have not actually TRIED to teach her any letters. In fact, I was shocked to discover she knew them at all. I discovered it 1 day while at Teddy's school to have lunch with him when she started pointing to an alphabet poster and naming off letters while pointing to the correct letter she was saying. She also does this around the house. Just yesterday she was pointing to the letters on the Sanyo logo on our TV saying "S, O, Y, A, Y, O, A, S" she never said N though so either she does not recognize N or she didn't recognize that N since its a logo.
I credit shows like WordWorld and Super Why to her letter genius.

2. Karma is responding amazingly well to her SPD therapies and Sensory Diet. Some days she's like a new kid. I can always tell the days we have done everything right and the days we have slacked based on her behavior.

3. Kimmy can draw amazing little flowers now. Lots and lots of petals. She talks about wanting to plant a flower bed outside in the Spring. I think she and mommy will just have to do exactly that!

4. Teddy is reading, like for REAL reading not just memorizing things. He see's random words and tells me "mom that's the word his" or whatever word it happens to be. He only knows the simple small words for now but I am still beyond impressed.

5. Sariah is showing crazy interest in the potty and signs of being ready to potty learn soon. She asks to go potty all the time, but has only ever done anything in it once, a #2.
This week she had a pretty bad diaper rash for a few days so I let her go diaperless. Every time she needed to pee she climbed up on the couch, sat down, lifted her shirt, looked down at her legs and said "pee, potty, pee, potty" Errrr, yeah wish she would do it on the POTTY and NOT my couch but at least she's aware right.
Note to self: we need a new couch, BAD!!

6. Karma's favorite song is currently "The Itsy Bitsy Spider" she can mimic all the hand movements and I swear yesterday I had to of set some sort of record for how many times you can sing "The Itsy Bitsy Spider" in one day.

7. Kimmy has decided she only wants to wear dresses. I tried to put pants on her the other day and she got very angry with me and let me know she needed a dress instead. This should be an interesting phase...

8. Teddy's math skills are simply amazing. He can do simple addition, subtraction, and even some multiplication in his head, often faster than his poor calculator dependant mama.

9. Sariah is a little chatter box these days and she has even learned a few lines to some of her favorite songs which include "Ring-a-Round The Rosie", "Twinkle Twinkle Little Stare", "You Are My Sunshine" and"Old McDonald Had A Farm".

10. Karma can swing herself on a swing now, well kind of anyways. She gets the leg pumping action and tries it when she swings, she doesn't actually get much momentum out of it yet. Teddy still doesn't swing himself, at least not that I know of, I have yet to ever see him do it.

11. Kimmy is terrified to have her hair cut. I have NEVER cut it, not even a trim. It has reached this point though where it gets horrible rat nests every night from sleeping. Putting it in a ponytail at night only makes it worse. She cries every morning when I have to brush it so I suggested we cut it a bit to make it easier to take care of. She began to hysterically cry about how if I cut it her air will "shrivel and turn brown". Someone has been watching too much Tangled! She doesn't seem to realize her hair is already brown.

12. Teddy is 1 month away from 6. SIX!! I can't believe it! He is into all kinds of "big boy" stuff too from crazy cartoons like "Street Sharks", "KONG", "Magi Nation" and some silly King Arthur one (if you think the toddler cartoons are bad, JUST WAIT!) and asking for things like lego sets for his Birthday. "The tiny legos, not the big baby ones" he says. Can't wait to step on one of those in the middle of the night!

13. Sariah is graduating from the high chair to a booster seat at the actual table, as soon as we get our tax return that is. Our high chair has no straps and she has decided it is quite fun to stand up in the middle of mealtime. She wants to be just like her big sister Karma I swear!

14. Karma has gone from throwing her food at the dinner table before taking a single bite to our best eater most nights. She cleans her plate and often asks for seconds. Just the fact that she sits at the table without crying/trying to escape is a huge feat, the fact that she's actually eating and ENJOYING the food is beyond anything I could have ever hoped for a few short months ago.

15. Kimmy is learning and picking up new things like crazy. Who says kids need preschool? Everyday she learns something new I swear. She is also really into cleaning lately and being mommy's little helper. She actually tells me it's time to clean and picks up toys without being asked. It's like I have stepped into some strange alternate universe where kids actually HELP their parents.

16. Teddy has decided he wants to be a "big animal vet" so he can work at a "real zoo with real animals". He has always had a love for animals and I can totally picture him doing exactly this. All of his writing center pages he brings home from school these days talk about the zoo, going to the zoo, working at the zoo, the animals in a zoo, etc. We really need to get zoo passes this year so I can take him a lot in the summer and help foster his love for it.

That was fun, maybe I will make this a monthly thing, or perhaps a quarterly event. Yeah right, we all know how I roll when it comes to repeat posts like that.... I can always TRY.

Love,
this proud braggin mama,
Christy

Guest Post : Fostering Independent Play in Young Toddlers

2012-02-15T08:22:00.000-06:00

HUGE Thanks to Christine of African Babies Don't Cry (I just LOVE her blog!!) for this amazing guest post while I sit in my bloggy doldrums of uninspiration. You rock Mama!

Fostering Independent Play in Young Toddlers

This may sound like an impossible dream, toddlers playing on their own and keeping themselves amused on their own accord for any length of time?!. Well, its not. We, as mothers, just need to re-programme our brains a bit when it comes to what we classify as independent play and me-time for us.

Is your toddler going to sit for an hour quietly playing with blocks and doing a puzzle, I'm afraid not, but it is possible that they will amuse themselves playing with a collection of plastic containers, or your mop and broom while you tend to something else.

Jesse spends many hours playing with his lab mix puppy out on the verandah (porch), whilst I am either busy on the computer inside or taking care of a task. This is ideal for us as his puppy keeps him amused and yet he is within earshot so I can keep an eye (ear) on them. I do get up every five minutes or so because either the dog has stolen his toy, or they have knocked over a pot plant or something, as I said, we need to reprogramme our thoughts on what independent play is.

I practice attachment parenting, but this does not mean I am a hover parent. There is a difference between being connected with your children, always available, and directing and constantly supervising their every move. In fact, by practicing attachment parenting I am trying to foster independence.

Have you read the article in the Wall Street Journal that claims that French parents are superior? Its by Pamela Druckerman trying to promote her new book. I find most of her admiration of french parenting unfounded, such as their babies sleep through at 3 months? Hello? Clearly not breastfed babies? But here is an excerpt I do agree with:

Yet the French have managed to be involved with their families without becoming obsessive. They assume that even good parents aren't at the constant service of their children, and that there is no need to feel guilty about this. "For me, the evenings are for the parents," one Parisian mother told me. "My daughter can be with us if she wants, but it's adult time." French parents want their kids to be stimulated, but not all the time. While some American toddlers are getting Mandarin tutors and preliteracy training, French kids are傭y design葉oddling around by themselves.

Dr Laura Markham has written a retaliating article on why we shouldn't be so quick to put french parents on a pedestal that is worth a read. However, she too agrees that they have it right when it comes to one quality the french posses, according to Druckerman, is that they allow their children to learn to occupy themselves.

I'm buying this part of Druckerman's pitch. And guess what? The French don't let children under the age of three watch any TV. OK, I doubt they police parents, but it's frowned upon, and no programming is allowed for them because it's thought young kids should not be watching. My experience is that when kids never get used to TV, they learn to occupy themselves. I also like Druckerman's line that French parents have firm rules about what they consider essential, but beyond that they give their kid a lot of control. When kids have control over their own time, they learn to occupy themselves.

There's another important piece to this, though. Out of our own anxiety, we too often intrude on children's play. In fact, babies and young children need us available, but not running things, when they play. There's a whole chapter in my upcoming book on this exact issue, but if you want more info on this in the meantime, check out Magda Gerber and RIE.

So on this one? French parents get my vote. (Dr. Laura Markham - Aha Parenting)

We need to let go of preconceived notions of how our toddlers should be spending their times, and allow them to simply be. The whole family needs to be on-board with this idea, as if one parent (or a grandparent!) constantly tries to amuse Jesse, I find he almost loses the will or ability to play on his own for a while, until I 'wean' him off of constant attention once again.

Even more important than those precious few breaks during the day where you can get something done in the kitchen or on the computer is that independent play builds key qualities in your child, such as:

Independence
Elevated self-esteem
Self-confidence
Problem solving

So, how do we get them to amuse themselves? The key is repetition, join them in a simple activity such as stacking cups or blocks and then leave them for very short intervals, slowly stretching them long till they are playing on their own for 5 minutes at a time. If your toddler looks for assistance, then be available.

Try not to interfere or take over.

Alternatively, allow your toddler to find something that interests him, Jesse enjoys watching the chicken eating through the window, unpacking moms shoe cupboard or loading a toy wheelbarrow up with items (unbreakable) out of the grocery cupboard and pushing it around the house. Allow them to just get on with it. Do not feel the need to comment, praise or justify their every action, and, unless they are in harms way, do not direct their attention elsewhere.

They key is to be nearby so that you can quietly observe without their knowledge. Jesse gets a kick out of doing his own thing in the next room, although I can hear (with my super-mommy hearing) everything that is going on, and I am sound in the knowledge that that room is completely baby proofed. He's even started to close the door now, which is where I had to draw the line ;)

Alas, these moments of independent play are short and dispersed unevenly through the day. So have a few structured or planned games / activities that are educational and fun that you can join your toddler in on. I have a collection of just such activities on a board on Pinterest if you are in need of ideas. I have taken Dionna's lead from Code Name: Mama and planned two activities per day, one for the morning and one for the afternoon, although these activities may be as simple as playing in the mud. Mixed up with lots of time outdoors and a bit of movement / dancing my son sleeps very well at night, and I do too, reassured in the knowledge that he is getting sufficient stimulation.

Further reading:

Tips for encouraging independent play with toddlers, at A Living Family

Helicopter Parents / Attachments Parents, one and the same? at Attachment Parenting Advice

Why creative play is important for toddlers, at Raising Children Network

How to encourage independent toddler play from Steady Mom

Tip sheet on Unscheduling Your Child by Illinois Early Learning Project

Structured vs Unstructured Play : Is that what really matters? from Spaghetti Box Kids

Independent Infant Play, Make it Happen by Janet Lansbury

Christine is a teacher turned work-at-home mom to her beautiful son, Jesse. She lives in South Africa and is passionate about bringing up her son as naturally as possible. Christine blogs at African Babies Don't Cry where she often writes about natural nutrition and toddler health. She keeps busy by volunteering for the Natural Parents Network, being an avid gardener and a healer in training. You can also find her on facebook.

Mamatography Jan 15-31

2012-02-06T10:57:00.001-06:00

Hey everyone, I know I have been quite MIA. Just a lot of strange things going on right now personally, ickies keep invading our house and I am just not feeling too inspired these days. I seem to go through periods where I am really inspired and have multiple blogs bouncing around in my head followed by lulls in the bloggy doldrums where I just can't think of anything to post. Thankfully some awesome NPN Mama's have offered me a guest post or 2 to carry me through until I begin to feel inspired again.

In the meantime I decided I better get on and post some Mamatography stuff before I get so far behind I decide it's not worth catching up and just give up on it all together.

Remember in Week 2's post I posted about my new camera someone was awesome enough to gift me, ummmm YE-AH Karma broke it!! I had it all of like 2 weeks. Thankfully the friend had Karma in mind and purchased the warranty for me as well. I will be replacing it this weekend. In the meantime there are a lot of missing days, again, because those pics were on the broken camera.

Jan 15