Healthy Living: Exercise with Your Children

Has cabin fever set in at your house yet? We are in the full swing of it over here and 4 kids with cabin fever = 1 mentally exhausted mommy.  It's always nice to find a few new tricks for my mommy arsenal so I thought I would share a few of mine with you, please (PLEASE PLEASE) feel free to share yours with me too.

Currently at least 30 states in the US alone are in the grips of a heat wave and winter will be here before we know it (plus it's currently winter in other areas of the world). Because of this I was inspired to share a few things I have learned along the way to help the kids release some of that pent up energy.   Bonus, mommy burns a few calories too.  It's a win-win.

We do not do every single one of these every single day, kids (or at least my kids) get sick of the same things day in and day out.  We do each of them at least 2 times a week though and at least 1 per day.

I wish I had some awesome pics for this but its hard to take pics while you are in the moment.  I need the lady from Parenting, Illustrated With Crappy Pictures to come guest draw some great pics for me! (I LOVE that blog!).

Vacuum Tag, aka Peep Attack
This activity was born out of our dogs strange obsession with attacking the vacuum.  No idea why, but she sees the vacuum as a real threat.  Perhaps it's because, as a baby, Teddy was terrified of it.  It did start when he was a baby.  Oddly, as he got older he became fascinated with vacuums, even inventing his own word for them that has been passed down to each of our kids and is still used to this day.  That word is "Peep".  No idea where it came from, he came up with it shortly after he turned 1 and still calls it that on occasion.  Therefore, in our house this game is known as 'Peep Attack".

How to play-
Each kid gets some sort of soft (foam pool noodles are great) sword to use.  Turn the peep (vacuum) on and go at it.  Chase the kids around the room, let them "beat up" the peep.  Watch little ones around and the cord so they don't trip on it.

This activity is a threefer, meaning you get 3 things accomplished all at the same time.  You get your floors clean, you get some exercise in for yourself (I am always breathless after a good round of Peep Attack) and you help your kids expel some energy all at once.
If you are the OCD Type A personality who loves those pretty freshly vacuumed lines in your carpet this may not be the activity for you.  You go in all sorts of crazy directions while the attack is on so the lines left behind are definitely not uniform or remotely straight.  I like those straight lines too, but in our household we have so much foot traffic they never last more than 10 minutes anyways so it doesn't really matter.

Marching Band
My kids love music and we have a lot of toy instruments in our home.  Teddy came up with this activity 1 day, influenced by the show "Fresh Beat Band" (gag me!!).  He asked me if I would help him form a marching band so we did.

How to play-
Give each child their own instrument, don't forget 1 for yourself.  If you have no toy instruments it's ok, grab some pots, pans, lids, spoons, etc from the kitchen and bang away.
Once everyone has their instrument, which in our house sometimes involves tears and compromises, line up and begin to play,
I am normally the leader although Teddy and Kimmy enjoy taking turns as the leader as well.  We march all around our house banging and playing away.  Sometimes we sing, sometimes we do silly different walks like going really slow, really fast, stepping really high, tip toeing, skipping, let your imagination do the "walking" for you.  Sometimes different rooms have different themes, the living room may be the loud room so we play loudly as we go through there and the bedroom is the quiet room so we have to try and play softly while in there.
After only 10-15 minutes of this we are all tired and breathless from laughing so hard and running all over the house.  It has got to burn some calories!

Dance It Out
Sometimes we all just have too much energy and not enough focus to do anything really organized.  At times like these I just turn on some fun, energetic music and start dancing like a crazy lady.  The kids don't even have to be asked, they just automatically join in.  This is also a great activity to distract if someone is having a meltdown (mom or kid).

How to play-
Find some fun music, turn it up and DANCE DANCE DANCE.
We usually do a minimum of 4 songs. 4x5 (average length of a song)= 20 minutes of some good cardio for you and your kids.
Not only do we dance but I also encourage the kids to do actual exercise moves including squats, lunges, side twists, jumping jacks, etc.  The kids love to mimic me.  Even Sariah dances around like a maniac and has been since she was 6 months old and could really sit up and get into it.
Pandora is my favorite place to find the music for this, I have some great kid appropriate stations on there.

Yoga
I really wanted to try yoga with my kids but thought I had to pay money for a fancy DVD to really get them into it.  It was watching them mimic me during our dance sessions that inspired me to just look up some child friendly yoga poses.  Then I just started doing them on the floor.  At first they didn't know what I was doing but they quickly joined in.  Unanimously the favorite pose is Downward Dog, even Sariah can do this one (and has been able too since she turned 1).

Sariah kind of doing Downward Dog this morning.  It was hard to take a pic
 because every time I moved out of the pose to try and snap 1 she came out of the
pose too, this was the best that I got.

How to play-
Go online and find at least 4 kid friendly yoga poses.  Put on some calming music (if you want, totally optional) and simply start doing the poses yourself.  Your kids will naturally be curious about what you are doing and will want to try and join in.
Some of our favorite poses include (and our names for them may not be the technical names since we do it on our own w/o any books/DVDs):
Tree Pose: start out standing with your feet slightly apart.  Reach your arms up high in the air, palms touching.  Tell your kids to pretend they are trees growing big and tall.  Traditional Tree Pose also says to draw 1 leg up so that the sole of your foot is resting in the inner thigh of the opposite leg.  You can try this with your kids if they are able to stand on 1 foot fairly well.
Downward Dog Pose:  Start from the standing position, reach your arms down and plant your hands firmly on the floor, point your tush towards the ceiling, you should make a triangle.

Karma doing a perfect Downward Dog Pose

Cat Pose: great pose to follow up downward dog.  Have your gets get on all fours on the floor and gently arch their back up like a "scared cat"  while dropping their heads down to look at their "tails".  Hold for a few seconds and have them gently lower their back and raise their head.  Repeat a few times
Cobra Pose: another great pose to transition our of downward dog or cat pose for that matter.  Lay face down on the ground with your arms laying flat beside you.  Gently arch your back and stretch your head and neck upwards so that from your bellybutton up your body is off the floor.  You can easily go back and forth between this pose and downward dog.  I usually tell the kids "we are a snake, hisssssssss" then transition and say "now we are a dog, woof woof" and go back and forth like that.
Happy Baby Pose: Lay with you back flat on the floor, draw your knees into your chest, point your feet upward and let your hips fall open.  Grab the soles of your feet and hold.

If you make it fun your kids will do it.  If you are listening to music aim for 3-4 songs, otherwise strive for 15-20 minutes.

This website has some AWESOME routines and child friendly poses on it:
livestrong.com
and I just learned from this website that we have another pose that we do called "Cow Pose" its the opposite of the Cat Pose.  When we let our back go back down and look up it's called Cow Pose.  Gonna have to start mooing while we do this, the kids will love it.

There is even an iPhone App for that!  99 cents and comes with 24 animal related yoga poses for kids.  I may buy it myself.

I have recently tried to end our yoga sessions with sitting in the floor, legs crossed and arms at our side while breathing in and out slowly.  The site above suggests letting your kids "Roar like a lion" in this pose and even call it the Lion Pose so I think I will try that next time as they usually don't want to sit still too long.


Tumbling
Sometimes our yoga sessions turn into tumbling sessions as the kids love for me to somersault them out of downward dog pose.  Then Teddy asks me to help him do back bends/flips on my arm as well.

How to play-
Just show your kids how to do simple tumbling moves such as somersaulting or doing back bends/back flips braced against your arm.  Aim for 15-20 minutes of this.  You may not burn many calories with this particular activity but your kids will and you will help give them confidence to try these moves on their own.

Yo Gabba Gabba Dancey Dance
Sort of like the Dance It Out activity above only we do it to an episode of Yo Gabba Gabba instead of just music.

How to play-
Put on an episode of Yo Gabba Gabba and tell your kids not to stop moving/dancing until its over.  If someone stops moving or sits down they are out.  The last person left standing "wins".
Yo Gabba Gabba is full of silly little songs so its easy to dance a lot.  In between the songs when there is just talking I encourage the kids to march, high step, jumps, skip, do jumping jacks, etc.

Hot Lava
A fun little game originally invented in our home by Teddy but I am sure you will all remember playing some form of it as a kid yourself.

How to play-
Randomly place pillows, blankets, stools, throw rugs, etc on the floor and declare that the floor itself is hot lava.  The object is to jump from item to item without falling into the lava.  If you fall you are "out" and have to go sit on the couch until the next round.  Last person standing "wins".  You can even have a "caller", someone (usually mom) who sits on the side and calls out directions to person telling them where and how to go.  We have a caller when mommy is feeling lazy.


That's all I have got in my personal bag of tricks.  I hope we have inspired you to try a few new fun activities with your kids.  They are all great activities to help mama and kids stay in shape and have fun together on rainy/hot/snowy/cold days.  They are also great ways to build happy memories with your kids and instill confidence in them.


I feel like, in my attempts to better my mothering self and to be 100% brutally honest with myself and all of you I tend to concentrate only on the negative areas of my parenting.  It was nice to write a blog about how much fun we can have in our home and to show it is not all screaming/yelling/tantrum throwing around here.

Love,
this dancey dancin' mama,
Christy

Dear Kimmy, today you are 3

Dear Kimmy,

This letter was supposed to start off with the words "Today you are 3...." except that yesterday you turned 3, not today.  BAD MOMMY!!  All I can say is we were having so much fun yesterday that mommy did not want to take time away to sit down and write this (that's believable right?  you know mommy loves you!).

Oh my little Kimmybottoms, what can I say.  You are getting so big.  I cannot believe you are already 3!  THREE!!  Where is the time going?  I desperately try to grab a hold and hang on to each precious moment but it's like trying to grab handfuls of water.  No matter how tightly I grip the water it still all runs right through my fingers.

It seems like only yesterday I held you in my arms for the very first time.  Now I watch you as your grow each day, becoming your own little person.  Every milestone takes you 1 step farther from me but that's ok, I celebrate them all with you just the same.

You are my firecracker baby, literally.  You came into this world 4 days "late" just so you could have July 4th as your very own personal party.  Ironically you are like your mama and fireworks terrify you for now, hopefully you will grow out of it though.  I try desperately not to pass on my own irrational fears of fireworks to you or your siblings.

Firecracker is a good description word for you, you are passionate in all that you do.  When you do something you throw yourself into it entirely.  Yet you are also shy and reserved, you have to asses the situation first before you decide if it is worth your time or not.  You are content to sit back and watch others play for awhile until you make up your mind on if you want to join in or not.  Once you deem it worthy though, you go at it 110%  Please never loose this passion!

We have a special song, you and I.  I sang it to you before you were born, as a baby and to this day.  Sure, I occasionally sing it to your siblings too but I stumbled upon the song as you were growing in my belly so when I think of the words I always think of you first.  It is our special song, (shhhhh, just don't tell the others, it's ok they each have their own special song too). 

I think the lyrics to the song can express how I feel much better than anything my limited writing skills could (mommy likes to pretend she is a wanna be "writer", indulge me a bit).

I hope you never lose your sense of wonder
You get your fill to eat
But always keep that hunger
May you never take one single breath for granted
God forbid love ever leave you empty handed
I hope you still feel small
When you stand by the ocean
Whenever one door closes, I hope one more opens
Promise me you'll give faith a fighting chance

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance
I hope you dance
I hope you dance

I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance
Never settle for the path of least resistance
Living might mean taking chances
But they're worth taking
Lovin' might be a mistake
But it's worth making
Don't let some hell bent heart
Leave you bitter
When you come close to selling out
Reconsider
Give the heavens above
More than just a passing glance

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance
I hope you dance
(Time is a real and constant motion always)
I hope you dance
(Rolling us along)
I hope you dance
(Tell me who)
I hope you dance
(Wants to look back on their youth and wonder)
(Where those years have gone)

I hope you still feel small
When you stand by the ocean
Whenever one door closes, I hope one more opens
Promise me you'll give faith a fighting chance

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance
Dance
I hope you dance
I hope you dance
(Time is a real and constant motion always)
I hope you dance
(Rolling us along)
I hope you dance
(Tell me who)
(Wants to look back on their youth and wonder)
I hope you dance
(Where those years have gone)

(Tell me who)
I hope you dance
(Wants to look back on their youth and wonder)
(Where those years have gone)

Currently you love Kia-Lan, Dora, Sid The Science Kid and Word World (or Letters as you call it).  I am telling you this only because 1 day (far too soon for mommy) you will be "too cool" to watch these shows and I want you to remember that once upon a time they were the coolest thing in the world to you.

I hope you dance baby girl.  In all you do in this life, keep on dancing.  I will always be here to give you a soft place to fall.  And fall you will, it's a part of life.  Don't ever be afraid to fall, just pick yourself up and keep on dancing.

Love,

your mama now and always.

P.S. This is daddy's special song for all of you girls, shhhhhh he would kill me if he knew I shared that with so many ♥

Now time for pictures.......

hello world I am here

First words out of the doctors mouth as you came out:
"Look at all that hair!"
That has pretty much been the theme ever since.

first Halloween

you were such a cute fairy that you made the paper!

1st Valentine's Day

1st Easter

1st Birthday

Daddy's little girl always

2nd Halloween

2nd Christmas- age 18 months

2nd Birthday

Summer 2010-age 2

3rd Halloween-still age 2

3rd Birthday

You are so tiny the only way to really tell you are getting older in these pictures is by the length of your hair ♥

I am her REAL Mama!

Originally I planned on taking a day off from blogging, my house could really use it that's for sure.  Then this morning I toyed with the idea of maybe writing a "X Number of Reason's to Avoid HFCS like the poison that It is" post to go  in my Healthy Living, Healthy Eating series (and I promise to write that soon).

That got put on hold after reading something that was posted on the wall of the Instinctual Mamas Facebook page.  It was something I first read yesterday and it really upset and offended me.  I made the mistake of looking at it again today and just could not hold back.  I left a brief comment on the wall addressing it but there was so much more I wanted to say.  I share IM with 3 other mamas though and didn't want to risk bringing drama to the page.  I decided to post here instead that way if drama followed it was only directed at me and not to all the other mamas on IM.

So, I am sure you are wondering, what did I let get me all hot and bothered?  What has my panties in a twist?  It was an article posted about adoptions.  As most of you know, Karma is adopted (and if you didn't know, now you do).  I have been meaning to write out her adoption story and contemplated for a brief second using this blog post as a means to do that.  I decided not to because her adoption story is a beautiful story filled with love and I did not want to taint it with negativity.  I promise I will write it all out soon, for the purpose of this post I will just share a few important details.

What's so wrong with an article about adoption?  It was the manor and tone in which the article was written that upset me so much.  You can read the full post here.  Go ahead, click on the link, read it.  I will wait for you to come back................










are you still reading it??












is it making you angry yet??







Karma's Adoption Day, one of the happiest days ever!
Sariah was cooking in my belly so even she was "there".




Perhaps I was offended by this because I am a mother who has adopted.  The title should have tipped me off to the fact that this was something I should ignore and not read..... Adoption Advertising- Destroying Real Families.  Hmmm, there's that pesky word.... REAL.  What makes a REAL family, is it all about DNA or is it L-O-V-E?  If you read the article then you know that obviously some people feel  it's all about DNA and nothing else.

Does the fact that Karma's birth mother (oh yeah, I went there, I call her the birth mother!) is also Ted's sister make her adoption not "as bad" of a crime as in we did not "make an orphan" out of her because she at least shares DNA with Ted and our other 3 children?

What does that make me though, she shares no DNA with me.  Am I just some outsider, some "sadistic woman" who "stole" a baby to fulfill my own needs?

We are not the "typical" adoptive family in that we can have our own biological children (obviously we have NO problems with this as we have "so many"! We are giving the Duggars a run for there money is what I often joke with others.).  We are the same as every other adoptive family out there in the fact that we heard the need of a tiny helpless baby girl and we stepped up.  We took her in and we love her just as much as the other 3 children.  If anything I tend to favor her and let her get away with more because I am paranoid that she will grow up with a "I am adopted my parents love me less than their biological kids" syndrome.  Articles like the one above do not help this paranoia.

Perhaps, in the eyes of the author of this article and those who share her view points I am not as bad as other "adoptive moms" because Karma's birth mother abused drugs during her pregnancy and therefore Karma was removed from her and put into foster care at birth.  Maybe those of us adoptive parents who adopt through foster care are not as bad as those who do private adoptions.  Do I agree with this, NO!  I think all adoptions are beautiful.  I am just speculating on what may be deemed as an "acceptable" form of adoption to people who share this viewpoint.  Perhaps there is no acceptable form of adoption to them, perhaps in their eyes its better for kids to languish away in state care so that the rights of their "real families" are protected.  Again pure speculation.

The contents of the aritcle itself is not what upset me so much as the tables containing the "Honest Language" and comparing it with "Biased Positive Adoption Language" or the "Language Promoting Artificial Families".  That last statement should give you a taste of these tables but in case you didn't read the whole article I will give you a few examples that they list.  Remember, these are the views of the author and not me, I am simply listing what they wrote.  I am listing the ones that upset me the most, they all upset me though:

Honest, Unbiased Language- mother, natural mother, actual mother
Language Promoting Artificial Families-"birthmother" (incubator) , "bmom", "BM", "unwed" or "unmarried" mother

Honest, Unbiased Language- person looking for a baby to adopt/buy
Language Promoting Artificial Families- loving couple, parents, adoptive parents, real parents

Honest, Unbiased Language- is adopted (is legally related to adopters as in "is married")
Language Promoting Artificial Families- was adopted, joined the family through adoption (pretending the relatedness is natural, not legal. The naturally-related family members are dehumanized as "birth objects".)

Honest, Unbiased Language- person who has adopted, adopter
Language Promoting Artificial Families- mother, father, parent or "real mother", "real father", "real parents"

Honest, Unbiased Language- adoptive situation, adoptive family
Language Promoting Artificial Families- family, "real family"

I think anyone who has adopted, as well as adult children who were adopted, would be offended by these terms.  Or at least I hope I am not alone in this.  Calling a family Artificial because there is adoption involved is down right abusive and a form of bullying in my opinion.  There is NOTHING artificial about my family!

Karma is my REAL child, I am her REAL Mama!  End of story! 

I am her MOTHER!  I breastfeed her back to health (she was sick, withdrawing, diagnosed "failure to thrive" on a prescription formal and potentially set to have a feeding pump if she did not start to improve-you can read my full breastfeeding journey with her on my guest post on NPN here).  I am the one who woke up with her and stayed up with her for hours at night when she was a tiny baby.  I am the one who continued to have to get up with her every 2 hours until she was well over 1 because her brain thought she still needed to eat like a tiny baby due to the effects of the drugs.  I am the one who comforts her when she is hurt, I am the one who takes care of her when she is sick.  I am the one who teaches her, sings to her, plays with her, explores the wonders and mysteries of the world with her.  I am the one who shares the love of Jesus and Heavenly Father with her. I am the one who looks into her beautiful brown eyes and wonders if I am doing enough, am I doing it right, who will she be when she grows up, will she understand.  I love her, she is MY BABY!  I am her MAMA!

DNA means nothing to me.  It is just a complex scientific means to identify us, it does not define a family.  Humans share more than 99% of identical DNA, its less than 1% that makes us individuals.  So if your argument is that DNA is what matters one could argue we are all related, we are all 1 big family.  Science does not make a family, LOVE makes a family!

I AM HER REAL MAMA!  Ted is her REAL Daddy (her birth father is unknown).  Teddy is her REAL brother.  Kimmy and Saraih are her REAL sisters!  Any other kids we may have in the future, whether by giving birth or through adoption (as we have not ruled out more adoption in the future) will be her REAL siblings too.  It's just as simple as that!

WE ARE HER FAMILY.  There is nothing artificial about us!


Love,
Karma's REAL mama,
Christy

Sisterhood of the Crying Mommies?

This post was born out of yet another long winded comment I was leaving on the blog Crying Babies Will Be Charged Extra.

The blog post has sort of taken on a life of its own and I would be lying if I didn't admit that it makes me sad that the first blog I have ever really received so much feedback on is this blog and the feedback is at least 75% negative.  They say you are not a "real" blogger until you tick someone off and apparently I have struck a nerve with this post.  I convinced myself that the comments were not bothering me but I think by telling myself that I really let them start to bother me.  Go figure!

The main thing that is bothering me is that so many people, having never read a single blog post from me before, are stumbling upon this post and are deciding based solely on the contents of it that I am a horrible, selfish and ignorant parent.  The message they seem to have taken away from it is that I walk around in public with my kids in a perpetual state of meltdown screaming and crying and disrupting everyone else's day and that I somehow feel entitled to do so.

While I still stand behind my own personal feeling that is is wrong for a restaurant to charge parents extra because their babies are crying (it has been pointed out that this extra charge may have been a $3 surcharge for sharing an entree as apparently this is common practice in that area.  With out seeing the receipt to know for sure I can only go off what the owner herself said, which is the extra charge was applied to the desserts for the crying babies).  With that said this incident was more a jumping off point for the blog.  The whole purpose of the blog was my own mini vent session on the fact that anytime I am out in public somewhere and 1 of my kids "dares" have a meltdown strangers feel they are entitled to judge me and say rude/hurtful things out loud to me.

No one seems to be walking away with this impression after reading the blog though.  They seem to be walking away with the impression that my parenting skills are questionable and my kids are out of control heathens. Maybe I should reevaluate this whole blogging thing if I am being so misunderstood.

I posted 1 comment that said in part that I was surprised to hear from so many other moms that they felt the behavior of the restaurant owner was perfectly acceptable and to read how harshly they judged the mom's.  In that comment I said that I was surprised that there were so many "perfect" mom's out there as the general consensus from the mom's leaving comments seems to be that they never let their kids cry anywhere in public. 

A comment was left that questioned me on this asking me if I was surprised that there were so many "perfect parents " out there or that maybe I was just surprised  " by the number of people who don't believe the general public should have to endure your child at their worst."

Ok so I didn't plan on quoting the entire comment, simply paraphrasing and instructing you to go and view all comments for yourself if you wanted but it appears that it is now gone from my blog.  So this is going to make me look like a rambling idiot I am sure.  I still have the email notification in my email box though that contains what the comment said so I will post it here now in the hopes that I appear some what less crazy.  It may reappear as blogger has been doing some rather goofy things lately, in which case this portion of the blog will make me look a tad kooky but that's ok:

V---- has left a new comment on your post "Crying Babies Will Be Charged Extra":

My son is 2 years old and it's not often that my husband and i go out to eat. When we do, however, we are hyper aware of our boy's behaviour. Obviously, every parent knows that their child has a little timer and can only sit still for so long. It also goes without saying that if you know your child naps around 11:00, it's unfair to expect him or her to be perfectly behaved at 10:30. That being said, meltdowns and tantrums can strike out of the blue. We had gone out to eat once and our little man was fine until a few bites into our meals. out of nowhere he absolutely lost his mind. as soon as i realized he was working up to full meltdown mode i took him outside to cool down but it didn't help. there was nothing left to do but take our food to go and get him home. It was disappointing that we didn't get to enjoy our meal, but that's what happens when you have a child with you. The rest of the restaurant's patrons should not have to listen to my child scream because I want to eat my meal in the restaurant. I cannot help that my child is having a meltdown, that happens, but I can control what environment he has the meltdown in and who else has to hear it. Those patrons did not choose to eat their meals beside my screaming baby, but i did bring him into the restaurant knowing that was a risk and acted accordingly when he flipped. Just as a side note, the mothers in this post as well as several commenters were offended that the owner had written a post about it (keeping them anonymous) as oppose to asking them to leave in person. I frankly find it very hard to believe that they would not be equally or more insulted had a server or the owner of the restaurant asked them to leave.
In terms of letting my son loose in public, I don't let him walk around in restaurants, unless they are specifically child-oriented. I used to be a waitress and it was dangerous to have people's kids wandering around near the hot espresso machine, or darting between my legs while i was carrying trays of food or hot liquids. my son is a curious little boy and i wouldn't want him bothering other diners either. As for grocery stores and similar places, he can walk around as long as he holds my hand. i don't want him charging through the aisles of the supermarket. he often doesn't want to hold my hand and will cry and scream when i pick him up and either carry him or put him back in the cart. luckily these fits don't last long before he becomes distracted with something else and my little man has not tripped someone up or accidentally knocked over a display. when doing my shopping with or without my son, passing a screaming child in an aisle is preferable to having the child sprinting around, in his or her parents' view or not. I don't think we have become anti-child at all. I don't believe any reasonable person would take issue with having a non-screaming baby seated at the next table or having a child walk beside their parents' cart in the grocery store. I don't believe anyone is claiming to be a perfect parent, and maybe you are just surprised by the number of people who don't believe the general public should have to endure your child at their worst. Perhaps i just haven't experienced it yet but I have never found myself in a position where i couldn't leave whatever place i was in when my son threw a tantrum. I personally find the "i can't help it, kids will be kids, deal with it" attitude very off putting and selfish.

Posted by V----- to Adventures in Mommyhood: Mommy Outnumbered at June 14, 2011 11:38 AM

This is what I started to write back to her before it morphed into this blog:

No I am not surprised that so many people seem to feel this way, I am simply sad more than anything. I would like to think there is a special sisterhood with Moms.  A sort of  "I have been there and I understand" love and acceptance that flows through us all.  I always thought that at least other moms understood when I was out in public and one of my kids lost it over who knows what (lately it's been because I refuse to buy my 5 yr old candy at the check out line.  I never give in but he does it every single time so I am sure it appears to others that I must give in to him all the time.).

I always told myself that this Sisterhood existed, that all of us Mama's were bonded together by the love we have for our kids and the constant trials we are put through by them.  That no matter what our personal parenting choices were (bottle or breast, cosleep or crib, disposables or cloth, to spank or not to spank) that deep down inside we were all united together.

I understand many single people look down on me, turn up their noses and walk away thinking what a poor mom I must be and how I need to "get those kids under control" but to discover that so many moms are also feeling the same is upsetting to me. I guess this is just another layer to add to the Mommy Wars. Another way to 1 up each other.  As if to say "oh, you mean you don't immediately jump and run out when your baby starts to fuss. I sure know I do. I just must be a much better parent and all around more considerate person than you.".

Apparently moms who don't run for cover at the first signs of whimpers are selfish ignorant bad parents. 

Some of the places I can think of off the top of my head that I could not leave while one of my kids had a meltdown include:

The grocery store- we live in the sticks and gas is expensive. Our gas budget is pitifully small so when I go I HAVE to finish. I don't have the luxury of packing everyone up and going back again.  The store is a bit of a drive, I have to finish up and go.  Believe me there have been many times I have skipped a few things on my list just to get out of there a little quicker.  I have tried the "just take them to the car" trick but it doesn't work.  They may calm down only to start back up again once in the store and it just drags the entire process out that much more.

Doctor and Dentist offices- Since it's usually the kid who is being seen by the doctor that's having the meltdown I can't just leave.  When its feasible I try to find someone to watch the kids who do not have to be at the appointment to lesson the likelihood that a meltdown will occur but it is not always an option.  Often I can find someone for a few kids but not all of them.  Recently Kimmy had to have several of her teeth capped and due to her age was put under for this procedure.  My sister-in-law and mother-in-law watched Teddy and Karma but since Sariah was still nursing and it would be most of the day I had to take Sariah with me.  We were there for hours and she got fussy more than once in the waiting room.  I couldn't exactly pack up and walk away.

DMV- I had to do this twice, once to renew my license and once to get tags on my car. Both times I could not find someone to watch the kids so I went with 3 kids in tow.  The oldest was 3 at the time.  It's funny because once again while they were being good everyone admired how well behaved they were. When my oldest had a meltdown everyone began giving me dirty looks.
They were on #31 when his meltdown started and I was #33 so I was not about to step out and have to go through all of that again. I brought snacks, drinks and toys and went first thing in the am (after breakfast) so there was plenty of time before lunch or naps.  My son got upset because I would not let him run all over the place or "bother "others.  He kept trying to talk to a few people around us and while I know the DMV is not a happy place I must admit I was upset by how annoyed people seemed to be at a 3 yr old boy trying to cheerfully talk to them. 
That's what I mean when I say our society is becoming anti-child.  A 3 yr old trying to cheerfully talk to people and not only were they ignoring him they were blatantly rolling their eyes, harrumphing and turning their backs to him.  It is no wonder he got upset after a good 45 minutes of this treatment.  Of course once he started crying the eye rolling and loud annoyed sighs only intensified.

ALL of Karma's court appointments and other various Foster Car appointments-Oh the appointments I had to go to with her!!  It seemed like every week I had to take her somewhere or let someone else in my home.  I found someone to watch Teddy and Kimmy for all of the court appointments except the final adoption day one, which was a joyous day for us all to be together as a family.  I tried to find someone to watch them for the other various appointments too but it was impossible to cover them all.  Even when it was just her she was a tiny baby and I could not control WHEN these appointments were made.  She had a scream fest at almost every single court date we went to, with the only exception being Adoption Day. Once Again, I couldn't just walk away or out of the court room.

Babysitters are hard to come by.  We trust very few people with our kids and cannot ask them every other week to watch the kids so that I can run errands with no kids in tow and make everyone else's life easier.  Rants From Mommyland wrote a great post on why it's so hard to  Just get a babysitter".

I plan ahead, I make appointments at very specific times because I know (hope!) my kids will be happy, rested and full then.  I try to be courteous and to take others into consideration.  I try to comfort my kids, to console them and calm them down.  Sometimes it works, most often it does not (have you ever tried to talk sense into a screaming crying 18 month old who has no idea why they are even upset to begin with?)  When it doesn't work I just try to get through whatever it is that we are doing and get out of there as soon as possible.

I expect the judgment from single people who have no kids.  I chuckle in my head and want to just tell them 'you wait, you will see someday" but it's so sad and so hard to take when it comes from other Mamas.  So I will just end with this, I am not a Bully Mom and (I hope) neither are you.  When I see a mama in the store with a screaming baby I recognize that look of hidden embarrassment and slight frustration all over her face. I see the dark circles under her eyes and witness her futile attempts to comfort that child.  When I see this I try to smile, give a little wave or thumbs up to let her know I understand.  If I am close enough to her I actually tell her that I understand, that I have been there and I know how those days can be.

Love,
this WONDERFUL, EXCEPTIONAL, LOVING mama,
Christy

I am Habiba, You are Habiba, We are ALL Habiba

Habiba is a young mother living in Madrid.  Due to financial issues she has been living with her 15 month old daughter at the Instituto Madrileño del Menor y la Familia or IMMF (roughly translated it means Madrid’s Family and Children’s Institute in English-Thank you for the translation  Amor Maternal).

On May 31 Habiba dropped her daughter off at the IMMF daycare center as usual.  Shortly there after that she was informed that she could no longer live at the IMMF Institute because she no longer had a child. 

It is alleged that the Institute took Habiba's 15 month old daughter away because Habiba was practicing extended breastfeeding.  It has been reported that the IMMF deemed the breastfeeding relationship between Habiba and her daughter as "chaotic" and "harmful" and also said it would make it more difficult to put the child for adoption if the need to do so were to arise.

I first heard of Habiba's plight from my friends Tanya when she posted a link to a press release that was in Spanish on Instinctual Mamas.  She gave a rough overview of what was happening and promised to translate the entire press release soon.  Ironically I was curled up on the couch with my 12 month old daughter nursing at the time that I read this.  I looked down at her and waves of emotion flooded through me.  I envisioned someone taking her away and telling me that our breastfeeding relationship was "chaotic" and "harmful".  I imagined the fear and confusion she would feel to not only be alone and in a strange place with strange people she did not know but to not have the comfort that nursing provides to help ease the stress.

Tanya did indeed translate the press release and posted it on her blog, Rockin Mama (click the link to read her full post on this).  She gave me permission to repost the translation here:

The Press Release Goes something like this: (roughly translated)

Four days ago, the Madrid Institute for Minors and Families (IMMF), decided to separate a little girl from her mother for not complying with the objectives of  a psychotherapy program and "maternal abilities" that imply to abandon  extended breastfeeding and breastfeeding on demand because it is considered "chaotic" and "harmful for every boy and girl".  With these considerations all lacking scientific or legal facts, they force mothers to take medication to cease milk production.  

According to the Spanish Association of Pediatricians, breastfeeding should be on demand and it can be extended as long as both child an mother wish.  No legal action has been taken to separate mother and child, and the mother has not been allowed to say goodbye nor has she been told where her daughter will be taken causing a grave defenselessness on both.  Habiba is engorged and on the brink of mastitis and with a broken heart with pain, with barely any sleep or bite to eat. This woman has been evaluated by a psychiatrist  and she does not show any signs of  mental illness, drug consumption or anything that would justify making her victim of such aggression.

They threw Habiba on the streets the same moment they took her daughter telling her she had no more room there because the resources they offer are for mothers and children and she did not have a child anymore. A humanitarian foundation has decided to help this mother donating legal support as well as shelter . We are deeply concerned by Habiba's pain and it pains us to imagine the circumstances this 15 month old child might be in, separated from her mother in an abrupt fashion most likely with no one explaining anything to her.

We consider Habiba and her child's case as a serious violation of human rights as well as children's rights. The damage is already done but if mother and child are reunited immediately it can be repaired because of this we urge you to write to write and protest to IMMF management, asking for the immediate return of the child to her mother

As I was preparing to write my own blog post on this PhD in Parenting reposted a guest blog originally posted by Amor Maternal on Habiba's story as well.  The post is called Spanish government authorities removed 15 month old nursling from mother’s care due to her refusal to wean her child by force.  I am always intimidated when bloggers I love and admire post on the same things I want to post on and often abandon such posts but I feel the more people who spread the word about Habiba the better her chances of having her daughter returned to her.  Definitely check out the blog above, it has a lot of details about the case in it.

I learned from Amor Maternal's blog that Habiba is currently being cared for by Fundación Raíces, which is a humanitarian organization.  They are providing her with psychiatric evaluations, legal services, healthcare and financial aid.

The IMMF has since said that Habiba's daughter was removed from her care not because of extended breastfeeding but because Habiba was a "violent person" but no one has been able to find any records of this anywhere.
Dr. Ibone Olza, one of the phyciatrists evaluating Hibaba was quoted  (from Amor Maternal's blog post) as saying:

“Based on Habiba’s thorough psychiatric evaluation I have reached the conclusion that this woman does not suffer from psychiatric disorders nor does she have a drug habit. In my opinion, she is a very capable, loving woman who is now suffering enormously from having been abruptly separated from her child.”

Habiba has not only suffered unimaginable emotional distress from this but she is also dealing with issues of engorgement and was close to developing mastitis when Dr. Olza stepped in to help her.

Habiba has only been allowed ONE 60 minute visit with her daughter since her daughter was abruptly ripped from her care and that was after NINE days of no contact.  She was forbidden to nurse her daughter in that ONE visit.  Amor Maternal reported that the IMMF did eventually take half a liter of breastmilk that Habiba was able to pump after pleads from Dr. Olza and many others but there are no guarantee's that the milk was ever given to the poor baby.

The accounts from Habiba and Dr. Olza on how the 15 month old girl acted during Habiba's ONE and only visit are just heart wrenching to read.  At many points I could no longer see the screen as my vision was so blurred with the tears. 

The little girl was reported to be listless and unconnected, she didn't even make eye contact with her mother.  No doubt living in a very underfunded and understaffed children's home in Madrid has already had adverse effects on her soul.  How the IMMF can justify continuing the separation is beyond me.  Habiba has been declared fit and loving and capable of taking care of her little girl.  Yet the IMMF has deemed the baby better off in a children's home that only  has 2 caregivers at night to tend to the needs of 42 children ages 6 and under.  I have 4 kids age 5 and under and I often have problems when more than 1 child awakes at night!

I know this sounds like MADNESS!  It sounds like the perfect plot line for a Lifetime movie.  Alas, it is all too true and there is a little girl out there stuck in a children's home lost wondering where her mommy is.  I can't imagine what is going through her mind right now "Why did mommy leave?"  "Who are all these strangers?" and the one thing that may provide some comfort for her, nursing, has been denied.

It has been alleged this is not an isolated incident and that many moms have been ordered to immediately cease and terminate their nursing relationship by the IMMF.

Most of the information currently out there on Habiba's fight are in Spanish, there are many Spanish links to her case.  So far, the only links I know of in English are the links above from Rockin Mama and Amor Maternal via PhD in Parenting.

I will leave you with the final plea in Amor Maternal's guest post:

If this story has touched your heart, if you wish to help in any way, please share this post. If you have a blog, please re-publish this information, if you know anyone in the press, anywhere in the world who could help in any way, please do contact them.

And a plea of my own- Please share my blog post, Rockin Mama's Post, and Phd in Parenting guest post from Amor Maternal with everyone you know.  Ask them to pass it on too.  Call your local TV news stations (or email them if you are like me and too embarrassed/self conscious to call).  We need to spread the word internationally.
If you speak another language please consider translating the information.   There is an abundance of information in Spanish, a few limited pieces in English and someone translated the original press release into French but that is is.

If you write a blog on Habiba's story please share a link in the comments so I can share your blog and post it on FB.  The more we repost these blogs the more people will be reached.

Please join the Worldwide Mothers support Habiba! IMMF Give her baby back on FB and sign the official petition which can be found in Spanish and in English

Save the photo above to your computer and set it as your default/profile picture on all of your social media accounts.  Tell people to ask you why that's your picture.  Share Habiba's story, knowledge is power.  SHARE! SHARE! SHARE!


This could be me.  This could be you.  We are all Habiba!

Love,
this choked up mama,
Christy

Wordless Wednesday- Food Eploration

Decided to try and pick back up with the Wordless Wednesday posts after taking a complete break from blogging in April and just kind of forgetting each week after that.

I like to try to match my theme up with the Natural Parents Network when possible.  This week's theme is Food Exploration.

Sariah

Sariah

Karma

Karma

Kimmy

Teddy

Dear Karma, today you are 2!

Dear Karma,

Today you turn 2!  It seems like just yesterday I was writing a similar letter to your sister.  Oh yeah, that was 2 days ago and not one.

You came to us quite differently than your siblings but we love you just as much!  I feel as if I carried you myself.  The very first time I heard of your birth I knew you were going to be ours.  I loved you before I ever held you, before I ever laid eyes on you or kissed your downy baby head.

You are my crazy little monkey!  So curious and always getting into mischief.  I can't turn my back on you for a second.  You are my little teacher, always showing me things that I missed with the older 2.  You keep mommy on her toes that's for sure.  Everyday is an adventure with you, I never know what you are going to get into or climb on.  I have so many funny stories to tell you when you are older.  I imagine you growing up to be a stunt woman, or perhaps a gymnast as your balance is impeccable.

You are also sweet and loving though.  Always first in line for hugs and kisses, my little snuggle bug.  Always willing to share just about anything, except maybe your drink.  Anyone who knows you knows how seriously you take your drinks, and everyone else's as well for that matter.  You are quite the little drink thief

You were a month old when you came to live with us so you have not quite been with us for 2 years.  In the time that you have been here you have accomplished so much.  I love to watch you grow and discover new things everyday.  I am blessed to be a part of your journey through life. Your language has really exploded in the last few months and I love the "conversations" that we now have.  You are my little helper, always the first to start picking up toys and looking for other ways to help.  Often you attempts create more work for mommy, such as folding laundry, but you are always so proud of your work and I have to remind myself that at least you try.

We are so grateful everyday that we have you in our lives and while this day is your special day there are 2 other days that have great meaning to mommy.  June 19th was the day that you came to us and Feb 19th was the day your adoption was finalized.  So, in a way, its like you have 3 birthdays.  Also that does bot mean you get 3 parties and rounds of gifts though.

Mommy loves you baby girl!

Love,
your mommy!

And now the picture fest:





2 Years of Karma

June 19, 2009-1 month old- the day you came to live with us

you were adored from teh very first day!

1 month old- June 2009

3 months old with daddy- Aug 2009



3 months old- Aug 2009

5 months- Oct 2009



6 months old- Nov 2009



7 months old-1st Christmas-Dec 2009

8 months old- Jan 2010

Adoption Day!  Feb 19, 2010- 9 months old

1st Easter-April 2010

11 months old-May 2010

Birthday girl!  May 20, 2010

13 months- June 2010

15 months- Aug 2010  your "reign of terror" began haha

16 months- Sept 2010

17 months- Oct 2010

17 months- Oct 2010

19 months- Dec 2010

21 months- Feb 2011

22 months- March 2011

about a week shy of 2-May 2011